Ode to the Submariner
In the Beginning, the word was God! All else was darkness and void without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon and the stars so that the light might pierce the darkness. God divided between the land and the sea many assorted creatures.
In the first few days of creation, God created great numbers of smelly creatures that inhabited the land, God called these creatures soldiers and dressed them in multi-colours similar to sand dunes and bushes. He made two versions of this creature, the other slithered amongst the rocks and was happy to be on land or at sea. As it wore similar clothing he made it recognisable by a green beret on it’s head, this creature he called a “Royal Marine” a slimy creature of the first degree.
In his wisdom, God also created two versions of flighty creatures of the air. He clothed one in uniforms of light blue and accommodated them in comfort on the land and gave them small roadways to gather speed and flap their wings. The other version was ruffled and foul. These creatures were not over popular, as their droppings fell on the earth below, but God forgave them as he said, for they knoweth not what they do. He was unsure what to call them but “Airy Fairey” seemed to match the requirement as they wanted to be at sea and on land or both at the same time.
Looking down on his handy work, God realized he needed creatures to move across the vast expanses of water. From this idea he developed a creature called a “Skimmer”. Then what followed was completely out of character; with a twinkle in his eye and a sense of humour that only God can have, he built big grey targets for Skimmers to ride on. He gave them many splendid uniforms to wear. He gave them many wonderful and exotic places to visit. He gave them pen and paper so they could write home every week. He gave them afternoons off, movies and ice cream makers and he gave them a laundry to keep their splendid uniforms clean. When you are God, you tend to get carried away with these things.
And it came to pass that on the 7th day, God rested. On the 8th day at 0700, God looked down on the earth but was not happy. So God thought about his labours and in his infinite wisdom, created a divine Creature to dwell in the murky depths of waters that surrounded his new world - he referred to this creature as a SUBMARINER. This creature that he created in his own image was to be of the deep. God gave this unique creature a shiny Dolphin insignia to wear on their uniform and a nice woolly pulley to keep them warm. God gave them black Messengers of death to roam the depths of the seas, waging war against the forces of Satan and evil! He gave them more pay for their knowledge, skills and wisdom so they might entertain the ladies on Saturday nights, and impress the hell out of the "SKIMMERS" when they met them on land.
At the end of the 8th day, God looked down on the earth and saw that all was good, but still God was not a happy bunny. In the course of his labours he had forgotten two things. He himself did not have a woolly pulley to keep warm or have a set of shiny dolphins to wear. Taking stock and looking down on his handy work, he nodded in satisfaction acknowledging that not just anybody could be a SUBMARINER.